The Cruelest Effect of Narcissistic Abuse

There is a reason you feel paralyzed.

Surviving years of narcissistic abuse can make rebuilding our lives more difficult in many ways, eroding self-esteem and creating physical and mental illness. After being so focused on the wants and needs of someone else, taking care of ourselves can be quite a challenge. After losing some or all control over our lives, making decisions for ourselves can be confusing and difficult. One of the most challenging ramifications is a reduced or complete inability to trust in one’s self due to constant gaslighting, and being told to substitute even our most basic beliefs with someone else’s. Since narcissistic abusers tend to isolate their victims from friends and family, we may not even have social support to lean on when we feel unsure. Feeling like you no longer have a handle on the world can create helplessness, hopelessness, and fear. 

Rebuilding our lives can feel overwhelming. 

After years of putting ourselves last, reclaiming our lives comes with a lot of important decisions that take inner strength to make. Depending on how long you were living with the abuse and the role the narcissist was in, there may be part or parts of your life that have been completely neglected. You might have to rebuild your career from scratch, create a social network, or relocate, often when time is of the essence. With a series of choices to make, you might feel like you have more than one voice in your head. We have the voice of the narcissistic or narcissists who controlled us, we have the voices of our caregivers who raised us, and somewhere we have our own voice, which we have made small and quiet. 

The right support can help you find your voice again. 

Recovering from narcissistic abuse is possible. A therapist with training and lived experience can help you sort through your thoughts and help you find the authentic you. Different types of narcissists present very differently and a trained therapist can help you better identify them. You might be familiar with a Grandiose Narcissist, for example, that presents with a highly charming and charismatic personality and is obsessed with image. But, would you recognize a Covert Narcissist that hides their perceived superiority and entitlement well and instead garners sympathy and assistance from those around them? The right therapist might also help you explore your past and uncover a narcissist from your past or something else in your history that might make you vulnerable and/or attractive to narcissists. Therapy can help you not just create a new, full life for yourself, but help you become who you were supposed to be.